Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
