i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
