I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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