gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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