I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
