grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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