Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
