I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
