I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
