Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
