A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
