Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i drank out of a bidet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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