Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
