we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
