After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
