I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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