just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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