Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
