just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
