Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
