good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
