so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
