Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
