he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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