i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
