Your face is a jimmy john
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
