My room smells like vodka and shame
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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