Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
