either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
