meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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