i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
