That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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