She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
