Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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