Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's even glitter on my cock...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
