Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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