I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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