is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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