i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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