So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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