made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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