I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
