Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
