Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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