I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this hospital has no fireball
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
