I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
