I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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