I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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