I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
