The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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