this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
