What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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