what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
