I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
