No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.