This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.