I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.