I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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