I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever