This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.