you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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