Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
