saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
porn star boner night. come get it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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