we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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