suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
