I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
