I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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