Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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