Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
