So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
