can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's always time for handjobs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
