I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
