just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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