if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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