So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
