Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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