Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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