i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
