Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
