I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
