We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I understand Curling. That high.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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