Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
