I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
