just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
