My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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