i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
