Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize