I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
