My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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