I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
