census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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