***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
