I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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