Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
